Just finished up reading: The Selfish Path to Romance: How to Love with Passion and Reason.
What an awesome book. Here is the review I wrote for my Living Social: Books account.
I consider this book as must read for any one person or couple if they are seriously interested in establishing a relationship based on mutual respect, which will ultimately be both rewarding and fulfilling. The books has case study examples and at the end of each chapter, it has a workbook style format with questions that help you understand the ideas presented in each chapter. From our typical understanding of the word "selfishness" you may be put off somewhat. We often think of love as selfless and how we should sacrifice for others to prove out love, etc... This book throws those archaic relationship defeating ideas right out of the window and help you start anew, with an approach grounded in logic and reason. It is only through the use of our mind, can we reach the fullest expression of our humanity.
Here are some highlighted takeaways, from the book.
Romantic love is a strong, emotionally intimate relationship between consenting adults that combines an intense valuing of a partner on the deepest level and the enjoyment of sexual pleasure with that partner.
It is no accident that one of the most painful complaints you can make about your partner is that "He/She" makes me feel invisible, unimportant, like I don't exist.
Being "good" by sacrificing one's values destroys happiness and romance.
The code of sacrifice promises happiness by advocating a contradiction: the demand that one give up that which makes happiness possible.
Loving a narcissist is a frustrating, painful and ultimately heartbreaking experience, because they have unlimited wants but nothing positive to offer another person
True love is egoism a deux - egoism for two.
Real love is based not on mystery or fantasy but on causality. People want to be loved for specific reasons.
Anyone who wants to establish a long-term relationship is faced with the question: What's essential in a partner for my happiness?
The Platonic view that sexual enjoyment is shameful or wrong is profoundly insulting and unjust. Your body - with its capacity for sexual pleasure - is neither good nor evil; it is a fact of your nature. You are born with it, and this it's outside your realm of choice. To feel condemned for your sexual capacity is to make a mockery of morality.
A woman of substance surely wants to hear something profound about why she is loved - something specific about her character, mind, values, and way of approaching her career and life.
Alright, so get out there and get this book!